He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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