Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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