The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
