She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
