Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
