The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
We just shotgunned beers for America
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
