I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
