just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
