obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
