Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
