I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I just gargled with NyQuil
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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