I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
