I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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