Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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