1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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