I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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