He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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