The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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