I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
