singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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