I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
