we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
