Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
