i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
