the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
