tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Randomize
