Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
