I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
