he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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