Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
