I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
