Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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