I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
