Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
My legs feel like baby dolphins
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
