did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?