We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
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I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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