...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book