note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
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She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
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The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him