Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP