I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
