so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
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