I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
