I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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