Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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