well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Randomize
