im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
