That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
high people should be assigned attendants
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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