i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
