my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
