He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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