You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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