so explain again why im purple
no
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
