If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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