There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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