so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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