you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
