So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
