Jerry, you need to find god
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
