All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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