Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
