oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
