i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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