we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
