So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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