He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
