So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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