I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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