What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
