you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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