After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
