she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
