idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
