I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I think weed is turning my hair brown
me + whiskey = a bad person
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
