The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
