We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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