I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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