In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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