If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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