she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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